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Epoch Glide - Virtual Grape Gardens

Epoch Glide

A Shameless Chrono Trigger Parody
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: You won't die. At worst you'll be discombobulated. It's completely fixable. Unless your kidney ends up inside a tree.

She ran down to her side of the machine.

Teyla: Okay pops! Let's rock!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Pops: Okay!

And so, the father went to his side of the machine and began flipping levers. The machine started to hum rather loudly.

Kirby: Whoa! Good luck, Miss Beatrix!
Ralzma
Beatrix: "DISCOMBOBULATED!? OH GOD SOMEONE SAVE ME PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!"
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Now recalibrate it with your hammer! We have to time this right!

The audience murmured.

Teyla: Relax folks, it ain't science without a hammer!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Pops: Hammer? Oh, right.

He pulled out a hammer from his labcoat pocket.

Pops: Hammering!

He then proceeded to calibrate the machine with his hammer.

Kirby: Is that normal..?
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
There were suddenly blue sparkles.

Teyla: Activating energy modulator.

The sparkles increased, and suddenly Beatrix was on the other pad, with a slight taste of cherry in her mouth.

Teyla: HUZZAH!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




The audience around gasped.

Random Gawker: It actually worked?

Random Gawker 2: Gotta be a sham..

Kirby: Wow!

The small crowd seemed to have almost been bowled over by Kirby's fawning over what was going on.
Ralzma
Beatrix squealed as she felt something pull and tug on her. She looked completely shocked when she was on the other pad. She gasped and looked around before licking her lips and blushing a bit as the audience called it a sham.

Beatrix: "Don't call it fake! I could've died if it didn't work! Y-You jerks!"
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Well, there was only a 32.3% chance of complete discombobulation. We calibrated this by testing on mice after all. You're completely fine though! This means it should work for anyone of average human size...

Turning back to the audience, she changed the topic quickly, before she got caught up explaining the implications of the ability to teleport people.

Teyla: A round of applause for my lovely assistant!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby was applauding excitedly. The audience were a bit slow to the clapping, perhaps due to a mixture of disbelief and awe.

Kirby: That was incredible! Miss Beatrix, do you think you can convince her to let me try it out..?
Ralzma
Beatrix wrinkled her nose at Kirby's question before looking back to Teyla.

Beatrix: "Hey, he wants a try, I think."

She pointed at Kirby.
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Of course! Step right up to the pad sir!

She grinned.

Teyla: He seems to be the same size as her, approximately! We shouldn't need many adjustments pops.
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Yay!

Pops: What's that? Hey, you found yourself a new friend, Beatrix?

Kirby: Uh.. Er.. We just met just a little bit earlier..

He gave a thumbs up to Teyla.

Pops: I'm ready to go here!

He then pointed at Kirby.

Pops: Just step onto machine on that side.

Kirby enthusiastically nodded his head.

Kirby: Right!

And so, he quickly walked onto the left side of the machine's platform.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "Don't let him get discombobulated, I haven't had enough time yanking him across the festival! Also, I'm way smaller than him!"

She huffed the last word as if she were bitter about it!
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: I meant more that he's quite small for a male.

She smiled. She meant no ill will! She is a scientist!

Teyla: Anywho... Activating energy modulator!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Pops: Are you sure about this, kid?

Kirby: Yeah!

Pops: Alright, everyone. Be sure to give him a round of applause when he reappears!

The audience looked somewhat nervous as the machine roared back to life.

Pops: All systems are okay!

Kirby began to feel something on his chest.

Kirby: Huh? My pendant's..?

He placed a hand over his pendant. Soon, he felt searing heat from it.

Kirby: Ow ow ow ow!

He pulled the pendant off its chain and immediately tossed it to his feet.

Pops: What's going on?

Huge bolts of electricity began shooting out of the machine, which caused the audience to gasp.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "Teeeyla! Fix it! Fiiix it!"

She pushed pass the rest of the audience as she looked toward Kirby. She wasn't sure whether to tell him to run or not.
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Energy field destabalizing! Something's wrong...

She backed up and stopped talking in bold. Biting her lip, she lowered her glasses over her eyes, and began pushing switches on the side of them. They flickered to life like small screens, and lights began blinking around.

Teyla: It appears that the pendant is the source of the disturbance... Quick, toss it away from the temporal alternator!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: W-what? I don't..

Pops: He doesn't get it.

He turned his attention back to the machine.

Pops: Teyla, I'm shutting the machine off!

As his hands moved across the control panel, a bolt of electricity struck him in the chest, knocking him several feet away from the machine.

Pops: Ugh..

Kirby gasped as he felt something pull and tug on him. His body exploded into blue sparkles, just like Beatrix. The sparkles began to move in the direction of the other pad. However, the sparkles redirected into an empty space behind the machine.

The area behind the machine seemed to become distorted, with the ground and the nearby trees appearing to bend towards one single point. The distortion grew in size until it seemed to be as large as a horse drawn carriage.

The blue sparkles rearranged themselves to reform into Kirby. However, Kirby, and the distortion, disappeared a moment later.


Pops: ... Teyla, where is he?

A thought ran across his head. He got up to his feet, dusted himself off, and turned towards the audience.

Pops: The show is over. Please take your leave.

The handful of audience members began whispering to each other as they cleared out.

Random Audience Member: Well, THAT was weird..

Pops: ...
Ralzma
Beatrix watched on in horror as her new friend had just been, what she could only assume was, discombobulated. She took a step forward, her eyes opened wide. She looked around.

Beatrix: "It's a joke, right?"

She looked toward Teyla.

"You're just trying to freak everyone out, aren't you?"

She looked toward the empty space Kirby had disappeared to.

"Y-You didn't kill him, did you? He just wound up somewhere he wasn't supposed to be, right?"

She took a few steps forward before a strange glint hit her right in the eyes. She gasped as she dashed forward to see the pendant lying on the ground. She knelt down and picked it up.

"Why... what was different between us, besides this thing?"

She held up the pendant.
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