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Epoch Glide - Virtual Grape Gardens

Epoch Glide

A Shameless Chrono Trigger Parody
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby fell to the ground as he was pushed by Torte. Upon seeing the turtle-fiend raising his arms, Kirby cowered and held his hands over his head.

Kirby: I-do-not-recall-reading-anything-about-a-fiend-like-you-in-the-presence-of-the-court!
Ralzma
Beatrix moved between Kirby and Torte and headbutted torte. Her head was about as hard as a turtles it seems, because she didn't flinch!

Beatrix: "Stop it! What honor is there in reading ahead to change events! It wouldn't be under your own power, it would be by manipulation and trechery! If you gain knowledge from the future, you're admitting too weak!"
Grey
Grey
"History favors the victors!" Torte said, his equally hard head hitting Beatrix's and pressing against it. "If I and my kingdom are not in the history books, then all of us will be destroyed and can be nothing but the spawn of my enemy!"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Miss Beatrix..

He slowly looked up at Beatrix and Torte before looking at the ground.

Kirby: T-The Kingdom of Guardia s-still stands, but a new nation is formed to the east a-and it is only home to Fiends.
Grey
Grey
Torte stepped back from Beatrix, his voice softened. "Then... This war..."

He sighed a sigh of relief. "I'm not needed after all. I am no champion."
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Au..

Kirby glanced up for a moment before pushing himself off the ground and back onto his feet.

Kirby: I know not if you were or were not a champion.

He wiped a few tears off from his face.

Kirby: We do not have access to the Fiends' history books and texts, so you may have well been a champion, just simply not in Guardia's texts.
Grey
Grey
"But--" Torte paused. "But, I am no fiend. Though I take this grotesque form, my allegiance lies with Guardia. I would swear it on my life."
Ralzma
Beatrix: "What, do you only plan to fight for fame or something?"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: You...

Kirby's jaw was left hanging. He found it almost impossible that a Fiend would ally themselves with Guardia during this period. Especially during this era where tolerance would be difficult to find.

On the other hand, he thought, Torte did help find the real queen. How did the text books leave this out? Or was it left out because Torte was a Fiend?

His mouth eventually closed. If this truly was the case, if a Fiend ally was left out of the history books, then he must right this wrong.


Kirby: This.. You are a hero. You helped save the queen.
Grey
Grey
"I am not!" He said, turning away. "Were I a greater warrior, the queen would not have needed saving in the first place!"

Torte turned his head back to Kirby. "I thank you for your blessing and apologize for my threats. Knowing my people will remain, I shall return in peace to my solitude."

The beast tottered off, his shell wobbling on his back as he plodded away.

"Safe travels to you, wherever -- or whenever -- you go."
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby frowned as he watched Torte walk away.

Kirby: ...

He sighed before turning his attention towards a nearby tree.

Kirby: Miss Beatrix, may I borrow one of your kunai?
Ralzma
Beatrix nodded slowly and held out a kunai.

Beatrix: "Sure?"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Thank you.

He took the kunai and walked over to the tree he was eyeing. He then jammed the kunai into the tree, and began carving out a crude image of a turtle. It was enough for anyone to realize that it was a turtle.

He then walked back and returned the kunai to Beatrix.


Kirby: That should be enough.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "So... why?"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Something to help me sleep at night.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "You have trouble sleeping at night? I'm surprised, with how soft your fa--I MEAN YES OF COURSE! We have to honor our new found friend!"

She nodded eagerly.
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Hm? You people sleep?

She pushed some buttons on one of her gadgets.

Teyla: I just stay awake until my bodily functions demand I pass out.

That's probably not healthy.
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby frowned at Teyla as he started to walk along the trail.

Kirby: Miss Teyla, why would you do that? That sort of thing will shorten your lifespan. In fact, you may be several years older than you really are because of it!
Ralzma
Beatrix: "Don't tell her that! She'll think she can boss me around more than she already does!"
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: I'll have plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead. Besides, it's not like I fight the urge to sleep -too- much. I don't want wrinkles.

It's less not sleeping for 3 days, and more "I'm tired now" *pass out*
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