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Epoch Glide - Virtual Grape Gardens

Epoch Glide

A Shameless Chrono Trigger Parody
Ralzma
Beatrix tilted her head back and looked into the sky for a few seconds.

Beatrix: "Sure!"

She tossed the youth a thumbs up.

"I'm Beatrix, it's nice to meet you!"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Dark Red Haired Youth: Great! Oh, um, my name? Um, it is Kirby.

He gave a bow.

Kirby: A pleasure to meet you.
Ralzma
Beatrix nodded eagerly.

Beatrix: "Kirby, eh? Well, you look like a... sensitive boy, maybe we should go to the shopping stalls? I sort of wanted to fight the robot, but I'm not sure if you're up to that."
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Oh, please, do not let me get in the way of what you would like to do!

He shook his head.

Kirby: Please, continue with what your plans were.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "Uh... kay...."

She shook her head and tried her best to pretend Kirby wasn't there as she whisked off to the west. She spotted a lunch along sitting vulnerable on a counter top and shrugged. There was a cat lurking about that would occasionally walk across the path. Beatrix was too set in her goal of finding Teyla's training robot to fight! She rushed off to the staging area for it, hoping there wouldn't be a line!
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: W-whoa!

Kirby was hardly prepared for the enthusiastic pace Beatrix was moving at. He quickly moved forward, following Beatrix as best as he could.

Beatrix found there to be no one waiting in line, just a clearing with a mechanical human-like construction. Human-like in terms of there being two arms, two legs, a body, and a head. This was Captain Awesome Totally Radical Odepheus Mark II, Catro Mk. 2, for short.


Kirby: Is that.. a suit of armor? I did not realize knights of that size could.. still fight.
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Catro: OHHHH YEAH

Heavy guitar started playing.

Catro: YOU WANNA MESS WITH THE AWESOME? YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE ME? OH YEAH. OHHH YEAH! I'LL TAKE ON ANYONE. RIGHT HERE. IN THE RING. OH YEAH. YOU WANNA GO?

He flexed. Lasers shot out of the ring as he continued to shout into the microphone.

Catro: YOU. ME. TEN MINUTES IN THE RING. WIN SILVER POINTS. OH YEAAAAH.
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Despite all that, Kirby was still highly impressed by the confidence of the knight.
Ralzma
Beatrix practically bounced with excitement. She pulled two wooden kunai from what amounted to a sash and held them up.

Beatrix: "I won't need ten minutes! I'll hardly need two!"

She turned to Kirb.

"Do you know how to fight at all? I mean, it's just for fun, after all!"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: Ah? Oh. Uh.

He shook his hands.

Kirby: No no, that is fine, even if it is just for fun. That knight is sort of intimidating.
Ralzma
Beatrix: "Wh-what!? You're going to make a girl fight on her own!? What kind of boy are you?"

She sighed and shook her head before tossing a wooden kunai at the knight.

"Come on~!"
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Now, now. Don't forget that it's a robot, and not actually a knight.

Kirby: W-what? But I..

He was taken aback by Beatrix's words, and was unsure if it was fair.

Kirby: I cannot fight!

He paused he realized something he thought was unusual. The sound that came from the wooden kunai making contact with the "armor" was reverberating in a way he was not expecting.

Kirby: Is.. Is that man really portly, or is there mostly air in that heavy armor?
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Catro: IS THAT IT!?

He looked at the kunai.

Catro: I THOUGHT A WARRIOR WOULD CARRY SOEMTHING MORE HEAVY!!
Ralzma
Beatrix's face turned red as Catro insulted the size of her equipment.

Beatrix: "I-It's not the size, it's how you use it!"

She ran forward toward the robot and jumped into the air, flipping once and trying to kick the robot right in the head.
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby stood with his mouth opened wide.

Kirby: That was so cool!
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Catro: WELL YEAH, WHY WOULD YOU THROW SOMETHING LIKE THAT? THAT'S JUST ASKIN FOR PAAAAAIN.

Catro stepped back, letting her slam down hard onto the mat. He posed for the crowd.
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




Kirby: How could a man that size move in such a way..? I am curious...

He looked around. He noticed that there was a chair nearby. He walked over to the chair and picked it up. He suddenly realized that the chair seemed to have collapsed, as if it was folding in on itself.

Kirby turned around and climbed onto the ring. The robot seemed to have been distracted by the non-existent crowd, so it did not notice the folded chair being swung onto its back.


Kirby: A-ah! I-I am sorry! I really thought you were..
Ralzma
Beatrix faltered and fell toward the mat, right as she landed, she flipped up, performing a perfect ukemi. She rolled backward and twirled her second kunai in her left hand. As she saw Kirby with the chair, she grinned and tossed the kunai right at the robot's head to make sure it was still looking at her.
Tyty
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Regardless of the kunai, he got hit by the chair.

There was no ref to call it against the rules.

The robot went down on the mat.


Audience: *GASP*
Kirbynite
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens




There was a horrified look on Kirby's face.

Kirby: I.. I did not realize that would have..!
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