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Epoch Glide - Virtual Grape Gardens

Epoch Glide

A Shameless Chrono Trigger Parody
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Unfortunately for Beatrix, she did not have the experience to properly split through two human sized reptiles with just a set of kunai.

Fortunately, she struck one of the vipers with enough force to send it skidding across the carpet.

Viper: What'ss with thesse humanss!?

Girl: Hey.

The viper almost hopped in place as it realized the short red haired girl was standing beside it, with an arm wrapped around what would have been its shoulders had it had any arms.

Girl: I think it's time for you to start examining your life up until this point. You had a nice typical snakey life and such, and then these guys just came here and ruined your thing.

The viper was very slowly coiling its tail around the girl's legs.

Girl: They come in here, show up, knocking things down. And here I am, right next to you without you realizing it, keeping you in a position where you will be struck down by that one girl's lightning fast mini fireballs, or whatever the heck those are.

The viper stopped moving its tail.

Girl: So why don't you go ahead and slither on out of here.

She then stood up on the tips of her toes and wiped her lower mouth on the creature's bowtie.

Girl: You shouldn't bother with getting backup. They're a little too preoccupied with wondering who stole some food. Might even think someone with those food stains on your tie is suspicious and is trying to cover up something.

The viper hissed, then lowered its head before slowly slithering away from the group.

Girl: Sheesh.

She looked at Beatrix.

Girl: What were you trying to do? You could've gotten a huge fang through your shoulder.
Beatrix: "Oh what a surprise, trying to lecture me again? Don't you know that the most important rule to fighting is to look--"

A spotlight shone down on Beatrix as she whisked out sunglasses and put them on.

Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Hells yeah.

Teyla imitated the gesture.

Truth be told she just wanted to wear sunglasses.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

The short girl stood still, watching Beatrix and Teyla for a few moments. She nodded her head before moving towards the set of double doors further down the hallway.

Girl: ... There really is something different about you lot.
Beatrix: "Oh no no no!"

Beatrix stopped the girl and then moved in front of her.

"I'll lead the way."

She started marching down the hall and pushed opened the double doors.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Girl: By all means.

She had a slight grin. If anything came up, she would rather it be someone else that takes the first blow.

A voice was heard coming from inside the room Beatrix entered.

???: Prepare yourself, Queen Alicia.

on the opposite side of the room was a short old man and a beautiful woman garbed in an elaborate dress.
Beatrix ran into the room and pointed her finger, threateningly so!, at the short old man.

Beatrix: "Stop right there baldy!"

She paused for a second. He wasn't actually bald, but it was a bit too late to take it back.

"We'll be taking Queen Alicia back to the castle!"
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

The two figures on the opposite side of the room turned to face Beatrix. The woman, then, quickly took notice of Torte.

Queen Alicia: Torte!

She quickly moved away from the old man and stepped towards Torte.

Now that Beatrix and Teyla got a closer look, the queen did, in fact, look very similar to Kirby.
Beatrix froze. She looked at the queen and then thought of Kirb. She kept trying to convince herself of the truth, but it was far worse than she could have ever thought.

Beatrix: "They're identical to me!"
"My queen!" Torte said as he burst into the room, a mix of fear and elation in his voice. "I've come to--"

Torte stopped short, his eyes widening under his mask as he saw the short old man.

"YOU!" He growled. "How-- How DARE you ally yourself with these beasts, Chancellor!"

He clenched his fists and stomped a foot forward, the candelabras upon the wall rumbling with his anger.
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Whoa. They DO look the same.

Teyla was too distracted to notice the shaking.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Girl: Huh.

The girl raised an eyebrow as she looked at the queen. Her curiosity was definitely increasing. However, it was difficult for her to completely ignore the scene between Torte and the Chancellor.

Girl: Hey, hey, hey.

She quickly walked behind the queen and gently pushed her away from standing between the chancellor and Torte.

Queen Alicia: Huh..?

Girl: Probably not a good idea to be standing here, right now.

Chancellor: Gya ha ha ha...

The chancellor's face became slightly distorted. His eyes almost seem as though as they were hidden in shadow.

Chancellor: Stupid turtle.

He walked around from behind the altar.

Chancellor: Judging from that look you're giving, I think it's time for you to dive off your mortal coil.
Beatrix: "Sorry Queen Alicia, but I must know the truth!"

Beatrix glomped Queen Alicia and nuzzled her cheek against the queens for a few seconds before stopping.

"Okay! Now I just have to do the same to Kirb so I can compare softness!"
"TREASONOUS MONSTER!" Torte screamed, charging at the chancellor while Beatrix glomped the queen into safety. The mask on his head made the mouth of his roaring face ever wider, his cry echoing throughout the cathedral. With each stomping step Torte pulled his fist further back until he planted his foot in front of the chancellor, launching his fist forward into a vicious haymaker aimed right at the traitor's monologue.
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Do you really think he'll be as soft?

She tilted her head.

Teyla: I mean, I can gather an accurate reading with my tools if we really need to compare data but..
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Or at least, Torte stopped a potential monologue. The chancellor flew over and behind the altar.

Meanwhile, the queen seemed to be in a partial state of panic. She stared at Beatrix with a look as if a deer was staring down a wolf.

Chancellor: Rgh.. Treason?

He slowly got up, not bothering to pick up his hat.

Chancellor: Here you are, standing before me: a fiend. What is more treasonous for a fiend than to not work with his own kind?

The room began to rumble as the light around the chancellor began to bend.

Chancellor?: Transformation!

The chancellor's body disappeared behind the light. A new shape began to emerge from the light.

Chancellor?: Gruuuuu..

The creature was an indescribable mess. He had a round body with a set of spikes for arms and feet. He had short, curly horns on his head and rather long and sharp teeth in his mouth.

Chancellor?: Now that I have reverted back to my Yakra form, you should now understand what this truly means.
Torte's eyes widened as the realization hit him. "You're... You're just a phony! You were never the real chancellor!"

Torte stepped back from the front of the altar, putting some distance between himself and the monster. He needed to see what this beast was capable of.

"Beatrix! Teyla! Get Her Majesty to safety!" Torte said, keeping his eyes on his opponent. He shifted sideways, ready to brace against his back leg in case of a charge. "I will send this demon where he belongs!"
Beatrix kept nuzzling right up against the queen, not seeming to realize she was supposed to stop, at least until the order was barked out at her. She suddenly detached herself from the woman and pulled out her kunai.

Beatrix: "You won't have to do it alone!"

Beatrix charged the Chancellor? until she was close enough that she could jump up and perform a diving slash with her kunai.
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: ... Um... Your majesty... Uh...

Teyla tried a door, discovering it locked.

Teyla: uhm.... Maybe we should duck behind this.

She pointed at a nearby toppled table.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Girl: W-what!? What do you mean it's locked!? Wasn't the Queen supposed to go through the door first? Who's bright idea was it to..

She had a feeling she had someone to glare at. It was either Teyla, or--

Yakra: Grrooo!

The creature recoiled back as it was struck by Beatrix's kunai. It then swung its arm, launching Beatrix back, though not inflicting any damage on her.

Yakra: Where I belong?! Impudent little turtle!

It hopped into the air and slammed onto the ground as it landed on all fours. The room shook, knocking loose a large amount of dust from above.

Yakra: I will be the one who will sending humans where they belong!

The creature then began to charge through the room at an alarming speed. The girl the trio had met earlier jumped out of the way as a table crashed into the wall next to her.

Queen Alicia, fortunately, was in a crevice, thanks to Beatrix, so she was out of Yakra's way. Yakra was, however, still charging towards the remaining three.
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