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Epoch Glide - Virtual Grape Gardens

Epoch Glide

A Shameless Chrono Trigger Parody
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Looking for food.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Underling: Yeah?

The creatures slightly leaned to the sides to get another look at the room past the intruders.

Underling 2: Is that why youse trashed that room?

Underling 3: There's nothin' special 'bout that room other than... than..

All three creatures suddenly had rosy marks appear on their cheeks.

Underling: Hey! Youse guys are stealin' somethin' from 'ere, ain't ya?
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: To be fair it was trashed when we got here. There was no food left.

Teyla, wanting to defend her prize, steered the conversation back to food.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Underling: Who's talking about food, anymore?

Underling 2: This is the office, not the kitchen!

The girl looked away from the group, while slowly nodding her head, acknowledging that it was not the kitchen.
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Well then who's been eating in the office? I distinctly smelled food in here and that's a serious no-no.

She crossed her arms.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

The red haired girl continued to remain quiet as she took another bite of ham.

Underling: Yeah.. Who's been eatin' food in the office?

Underling 2: Not me. Coulda been one of them gargoyles.

Underling 3: Uh.. It's not like it's against the rules to eat in here..

The other two creatures glanced at each other before glaring at the third creature.

Underling: You idiot! You'd mess up the precious bromide!

Underling 2: You think we're gonna break our backs again to look for another? Forgetaboutit!

Underling 3: W-what? No, I didn't get any grease on it..

Underling: I'll show you grease, you greasey mug!

The creature proceeded to crouch down and uppercut the guilty underling. The creature flew through the railing and down onto the first floor. The two remaining underlings stood by the edge, sneering down at their fallen colleague.
Beatrix gulped as she watched the underlings being quite cruel to each other. She frowned slightly and shook her head.

Beatrix: "Well, if we're done here...."
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens


Underling: Uh..?

Suddenly, one of the underlings fell off the second floor. The remaining underling turned around, only to have a bone striking it across the face, sending it to join the other creatures on the second floor.

Girl: Now we're done.

She turned around, and twirled the recently cleaned off ham bone.

Girl: You guys seem pretty interesting and distracting. And considering how noisy you were, I bet you had to deal with some tough fiends.

She nodded her head.

Girl: Yeah.. I've got a good feeling about you three. Well then, it's been decided. I'm recruiting you all to my party!
Beatrix: "What?"

She stared at the girl and started shaking her head.

Beatrix: "Oh no no no, don't even try! We've got a mission to do, and we're not going to let you try to side track us. We have to rescue the queen, and you can come along if you can be helpful, but the pecking order is like this!"

She points to the turtle.

Beatrix: "He's the defacto leader for now since he actually seems to know what he's doing!"
"It's true," Torte said, shrugging as best as a humanoid turtle could. "I do know what I'm doing."

He grimaced and bowed. "Sorry, miss, but you'll have to find us on another day. The life of the queen is at stake, and I fear even speaking to you now puts her in further danger. Farewell."

He turned on his heel, stepped over the crumpled bodies of the two henchmen, and began to make his way down the stairs to the other stairwell that they hadn't taken.
Beatrix: "See? He's like a pro. Like a knight in shining armor or something!"

She nodded eagerly as she followed after Torte.
"Mm," He mumbled to himself, "Pro... Sure..."
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

Girl: Whoa, whoa, hey.

She sat sideways on the stairway railing and slid down.

Girl: I recognize that side missions can be very important.

She tried to keep up with Torte after hitting the ground.

Girl: And besides, I have very useful information! Like, information that's useful now!

She pointed at the other stair case.

Girl: That's the kitchen up there.

She then pointed at the long hallway between the stairways.

Girl: And there's something important over there, past all the Fiends.
Beatrix: "REALLY!? You think where all the people are guarding might be important!? You little brat! This isn't a side mission!"

Beatrix shook her head as she tried to come up with something witty.

"You're a side mission!"

She felt a bit stupid even saying it.
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

The red haired girl shrugged her shoulders.

Girl: Hey, turtle guy there was walking towards the kitchen. I thought this might have been relevant information since your head honcho was not walking towards the area with all the people and the guarding are.
Can you not understand the words that are commin' outta my mouth?
Teyla: Well to be fair I was hungry.
Beatrix: "Goooo away little girl!"

Beatrix flailed uselessly.

"You're just going to make things more complicated!"
"I like to be thorough in my investigations," Torte said, abruptly changing direction from the stairwell to the long hallway. "But the Queen is the most important thing. If the Mystics are guarding her there, then we'll just have to pursue them. Thank you, Senorita Demanda."
The Jarl of Neo Grape Gardens

The short girl glanced at Beatrix.

Girl: And you're certainly complicating my treasure hunting!

She looked slightly upward as she followed behind Torte.

Girl: Well, no, not really. This is making it easier for me.
Beatrix: "Can I tie you up and gag you with my socks or something so you buzz off and don't come back?"

Beatrix hissed at the girl before following after Torte.
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